the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Its about making memories worth repressing
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
