Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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