Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize