you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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