I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
