I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
