you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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