You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this just has baby written all over it
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
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He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
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Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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