apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
