I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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