hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize