So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
