im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
