Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
