chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
