Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
