@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
