The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
