lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
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he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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