you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
