Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
