the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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