Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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