so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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