I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
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Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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