i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
