She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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