maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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