do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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