so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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