no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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