imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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