i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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