You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
