I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
