this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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