I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
