Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
