Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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