Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
