Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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