ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
