she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
two words...techno handjob
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
