so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
