Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
