It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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