y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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