in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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