Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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