About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
