I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
