dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
