Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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