It's just like the Real World with babies
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
