Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
