I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize