If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
