I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
