Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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