she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
