Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
