Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dear god my vagina.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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