WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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