So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
