What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
