How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
